Tis’ here will be a quick recap of my final year of college.
So much has happened since I moved away from my tiny city, to one of the biggest metropolitan areas in the United States.
Q: What prompted the “big” move?
A: I wanted to explore a different environment than the one I had been living in for the past 20 years of my life.
Q: What’s the real reason?
The latter answer to the question seems fairly selfish and maybe even stupid of a reason to leave everything you ever knew behind and move some 500 miles away to be alone. But by the honesty that I vowed to always have in these little blogs of mine here, I am not lying when I say that concerts where one of the three reasons why I decided to move to Dallas, TX, specifically.
Back home, in Laredo, TX, the artists that every play at our “Energy Arena” are Spanish artists. I’m okay with this, you know, whatever. 99.65% of the Laredo population is Hispanic and speak Spanish, so I guess that’s…good? Anyway, anytime any “American” artists try to get a show going, either 1.) They don’t end up selling enough tickets, so they end up playing to only half of a small “Energy Arena” or 2.) They don’t end up selling enough tickets, so they cancel the show altogether. Which sucks! Because clearly, if other artists see this, then they never come to us.
I love music.
I dance to it.
I sing to it.
I shower to it.
I fall asleep to it.
It’s simply the best. And if moving to a big city because I got accepted to a university here meant getting the chance to go to as many shows as I want, then by all means, let that be a reason.
Throughout my college years, I was never the person to go out and party. I mean, if you count birthday parties, then yes. But in a way, that was a good thing? I know there are people that say that they can party and still be wide awake for their 8 AM the next day. Fully alert. No interruptions. Yeah, right. Who are you? You’re not real if that’s you!
The reason I say that I feel not being that person who sees college time as a time to let your inhibitions run wild is because I’m my mother, in a way. I believe that education comes first and that temptations should not derail you and plumb your GPA? Or maybe, I just never had the chance to do it all during my first two years when I was still at home where I was under my father’s surveillance and a curfew. I turned out okay, I guess? I did good my first two years back home. I had to deal with seeing the same people I had seen all my life for those two years. That was definitely a motivation to get out of that cycle that everyone from my graduating class had fallen into. But after those two years, I was out.
The move to the Dallas-Fort Worth area was big. I didn’t really say much to anybody but my family about the decision to leave because I feel that if you’re going to be doing something, just do it. Don’t brag until you’ve accomplished something. Something that you’re proud of telling others about.
My first year here was scary. Lonely. Intense. Nothing really works out to your favor if you don’t have a method of transportation to all the cool spots. But then again, you can make things turn out the way you want them to if you’re willing to get on a Greyhound bus to get from here to there and back. By move out day of Spring 2015, I was ready to go back home. I had fun, but I was ready to go back to where I came from, for a while at least.
I had initiated a friendship with a boy and we made plans to meet sometime when I got back to the DFW area. I would finally be a senior. And this time, I was going to take my car with me so I could get around, and maybe even get a job.
I was excited for what was to come the following Fall.
THE BEGINNING OF THE END:
UNIVERSITY OF NORTH TEXAS CLASS OF 2016!
My year started off with a BANG! I changed my major to English with a concentration in Creative Writing. That gave me a chance to finally have a good excuse to write and read all the time. My adviser let me know that I had taken enough History classes to become a Social Science minor, so there I went, adding even more classes on to my already heavy schedule.
I finally went to down town Dallas. Visited the JFK museum and blew 300 dollars in just JFK memorabilia. Be careful if you ever go there. By the end of the tour at the famous book depository, you realize that JFK is you favorite president and that no one has come close to what he had to deal with in the 60’s. I visited the Arboretum on a very hot day. Always, always choose your outfits wisely when you’re going to visit a fucking jungle.
I went to my first senior year concert: Passion Pit at the House of Blues Dallas. And that same night I met the boy I had been talking with for five months now.
I got my first job in the city for a very fancy hotel. And with a job now came the responsibility of having to balance work life and school life, as well as trying to squeeze in a little bit of social life.
One of the great things about getting a job where you immediately feel at home is that everyone is opened to hanging out with you outside of work. I quickly became friends with all these people that just a month before were complete strangers to me. Not even that! I was not even aware of their existence! One of my favorite things to do on weekends (or sometimes weekdays, depends on how bad of a day it really was) was going over to “FRY STREET.” This is a section just outside of the school property where the English building is that is all restaurants and bars. Yes. Perfect! I thought when I first got here. Of course, my first year here I wouldn’t really go there with the fear of being seen my someone and having that someone think that I was an alcoholic. Well, by senior year, I really didn’t give a shit, so on a casual Wednesday or Friday or Saturday or Sunday, you would find me at Cool Beans. Cool Beans is one of the smaller bars along Fry Street. After I had my three drink and felt like it was time to go home, I would walk across over to Jimmy John’s, buy my Turkey Tom and stumble all the way back to my dorm. All this alone.
Having all these new acquaintances to have drinks and conversations with now, there were no more lonely nights of walking over to my dorm while chugging down an entire club sandwich wishing it wasn’t the next day.The bar scene that I had never experienced before arriving to the DFW area, was now a fun one.
New people. Good people. Special people.
November brought forth one of the hardest times in my life. My grandmother suddenly got sick and passed away on the Friday the 13th of the month. It was too sudden. And it happened without me being there during her last days. The amount of guilt that raged inside of me cannot be measured. It was too much and still weighs heavy on me when I think of it. I began to really think why it was that I decided to leave my family and come all the way here to be alone, making it difficult to run home whenever it was needed. 500 miles seemed like 1,000.
Christmas time came around and I had never appreciated the chance to be with my family more than I did the week I went home.
And then the count down began: Ten, Nine, Eight, Seven, Six, Five, Four, Three, Two, One…….HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I really do not like when people say, “New Year, New me!”
Like, no. New year, same you. Only, if by “New Me” you mean a better version of you, then do it every day. Try to be a better person that you were the day before. Don’t just start at the beginning of 365 days.
It was finally the beginning of my final semester as a college student. I woke up the morning of the first day of my last semester and I realized that it would be the last time that I would get that nervous feeling. The feeling of walking into a classroom and not knowing who your classmates would be. The feeling of having the chance to start over and take better notes and sit closer to the front of the class and finally ask questions that everyone else was also thinking.
More shows. Fun shows. Different shows.
My class schedule is composed of two English classes, one History and two political science courses. It’s crazy reading about completely different things and having to write about completely different things. It gets hard sometimes to actually have sometime for myself to do things that are considered a luxury in the life of a college student like, taking myself out for a movie or dinner, or shows, now with how tight my time is compressed. I always knew that it would happen. That there would come a time in my now busy life when I would have to choose to either read and do homework that is not due for another week, but that must be done ahead of time, or go out and socialize. A time when I have to choose sleep after a long day of school and work, back to back, or homework. It gets tough. But here I am. Using some spare time that I have from my final Spring Break to write about stuff that has been going on since I last wrote back in September.
Sometimes it’s nice to stand against a wall and take a look at all the things that I have been able to do since my big move to the Dallas-Fort Worth area. It’s also heartbreaking to know that I missed out on some great times with my doggy, Duke, before he passed away a year ago. The times that I could have gone over to my grandma’s house and hugged her and have a last conversation with her before she left from this world.
My cap and gown sit in my closest, ready to be used when the time comes. I walk over to it sometimes, and I know this may sound pathetic, but I like to wear it and pretend that the day is here. But really, the day is near.
It’s Saturday, March 19th, 2016. I only have a month and some weeks left here, in the comfort of my dorm, walking distance from campus. A campus with a cool bar street right on the outskirts of it. Where I get to have drinks with friends when I have time. The time is near.
Graduation day is Saturday, May 14th, 2016.
I’ll see you after I walk the line.